Discontent.

Work is work, and I'm always amazed with how people act and are. I'm feeling very reserved this morning... last night, I cried while going to sleep. I think it's the first time since I've been here that I truly felt the homesickness slam me hard, mostly because I miss the consistency of familial presence. I miss knowing people. Every day you find out new things, and they're things you don't want to know. Yesterday was the first time I'd ever wanted to leave work, the first day I wanted my break more than just to recoup, but to get away from the people-- to escape. People make my heart hurt and my stomach clinch. With all the joy they bring me, they also bring me such sadness. You hold people in such high esteem, and then... they show you a piece of them that strikes you like a splash of acid. And yet there are days when I can't love them any more than I do. Mami once asked me how my big heart even fits in my tiny body, and I... don't know. It's a blessing, I guess, to love and care so much, but sometimes holding onto your heart, trying to keep it from escaping and being tired from holding it aloft... caring so much tires me out, and it's not something I can stop. I bottle things up so much that I want to cry right now.

Life is tough.