Matt.

A friend got termed today. A good friend. I'm not happy.

Lungs.

It didn't bother me when we were talking. It didn't bother me when I walked back to the apartment, phone on my ear. It only bothered me when I sat down. When I stopped moving and reality caught up to me, it struck, and the smile that was on my face wilted quicker than a cala lily at a funeral. Why did you have to honk at me? Why did you have to step out of your car to talk? What compelled you-- our friendship? Maybe it'd be easier if we weren't friends, because when I asked you what you were doing, you said you were waiting for Her. And when we parted ways, I told you 'have fun.' I meant it, really.

Some people aren't ready for a girl like me. Serious isn't what they're looking for. I just can't help but wish - belatedly - that when you stooped to look, I was what you found.

I'll get over it eventually, right? But why is fate so conveniently funny? I had calculated: it'd be four days without seeing you. Did running into you today prove that I exist out of This One Place? I wonder if I disturbed your waters as much as you did mine.

What drives you to approach me anyway?

Oh well. Goodnight, moon.

Discontent.

Work is work, and I'm always amazed with how people act and are. I'm feeling very reserved this morning... last night, I cried while going to sleep. I think it's the first time since I've been here that I truly felt the homesickness slam me hard, mostly because I miss the consistency of familial presence. I miss knowing people. Every day you find out new things, and they're things you don't want to know. Yesterday was the first time I'd ever wanted to leave work, the first day I wanted my break more than just to recoup, but to get away from the people-- to escape. People make my heart hurt and my stomach clinch. With all the joy they bring me, they also bring me such sadness. You hold people in such high esteem, and then... they show you a piece of them that strikes you like a splash of acid. And yet there are days when I can't love them any more than I do. Mami once asked me how my big heart even fits in my tiny body, and I... don't know. It's a blessing, I guess, to love and care so much, but sometimes holding onto your heart, trying to keep it from escaping and being tired from holding it aloft... caring so much tires me out, and it's not something I can stop. I bottle things up so much that I want to cry right now.

Life is tough.

Destroying the magic.

For you, not me. So after much urging following my nonstop babbling over my obsession with Darth Maul, my friend Brittany got me to approach him again with some more questions. I am such a dork for the characters at the parks; I'm planning on going just to get pictures with them. I am, I must admit, particularly obsessed with one of the Mauls, though. Anyway, Brittany wanted me to propose to him, but I just asked when he was performing again (they always rotate). Alas, tomorrow is the last day until Star Wars weekend. Can you say depressing? I asked one of my managers if I could take a picture with the guy, but it's FORBIDDEN (-en, -en, -en... *echo*) to take pictures on the back dock. I can if I'm out of costume and come into work and he's not breaking character and it's not in an area that LOOKS like the back dock... so many rules. Also, whyyy can't my camera come in already! :(

I have so much respect for him, though-- honestly. He's always in character, keeping the magic alive-- even backstage. Next to Tigger and the Green Army Men, he's naturally my favorite.

Plus, he's also in the High School Musical 3 performance. Ohhh man, can you say hilarious? I'd love him to do a routine in the Maul outfit.

Some weird stuff has been going on. Not weird as in I'm creeped out weird, but weird as in head-tilting-like-a-bird's weird. My friend Densy is really fond of me, I think. I don't find it strange, but I am a little intrigued by it. Today, after I commented on a flower in the park, he gave me one and said "Una flor para una flor." Hm. Well, he's helping with my Spanish in any case. There's a Get Mikayla to Speak Spanish Coalition at work, started by Densy and jumped onto by my friend Juan. Jorge volunteered a while back, but I'm sure he's forgotten by now. Anyway, I'm glad for Densy. He's firm about getting me to learn and doesn't laugh when I mess up... just keeps trying.

Also, I'm apparently a prime scare-target! I'm really jumpy, so all of my male friends think it's hilarious to come up behind me and grab my sides or just touch my shoulder. Densy, Carlos, Luis, Jorge, Shaun-- ESPECIALLY Shaun! Oh my gosh, I've never been pinched and poked at so much in my life! Today, Shaun snuck up behind me and wrapped himself around my waist. I screamed so loud! He does stuff like that all the time because whenever someone pokes me, I squeak. Densy constantly makes me jump, Luis likes yelling when he walks into the room, Jorge's 'appeared' beside me several times... it never ends. Densy once told me - after he scared me - that he knew I was Latina from my scream. Hahaha, what?!

I work with crazy, crazy people.

Lull in the waves.

Happy Easter, everyone! Hope it's been good to you. I'm lazing around on my day off, though I should be doing laundry and dropping by Wal-Mart for some milk. I'm just not feeling Wal-Mart right now, though. The day is young yet!

I just narrowly survived the harrowing first week of Spring Break at work. It was... tough. Real tough. I don't know about the people in the stands, but I was stuck Backstage in the pretzel kitchen... the hellacious pretzel kitchen. They relocated it to Pizza Planet, where we have three different rooms: the prep room, the oven room, and then the freezer way back in Narnia. You'd think that the managers would have taken into consideration that the man usually positioned in pretzel kitchen has a bum leg, but do they? No. They're managers. Anyway, other than being enormous rooms, more to clean, and totally inconvenient, it went... went...

Well, I'm alive. That's saying something. I had two 13 hour day shifts in a row, and just about broke down on the second day from exhaustion after they extended me. I wanted to punch my managers. It seems that Spring Break is the only time they do any work, but also the time where they screw up schedules the most. I mean, who changes a schedule that goes into effect the next day when it's one of the busiest times of the year? How is that convenient-- or smart, for that matter? It's not. At all. Ugh. So basically, I had to come in an hour earlier my third day and stay two hours later when I had worked for 13 hours straight the day before. Thanks, guys. You all suck.

After my day off, which I spent napping and moving very little (as everything from my hips down was sore, sore, sore!), I went back to work in the Sunset zone (we have three zones, Sunset- the front of the park, Backlands- the... essential 'back' of the park [I like to think of it as the masculine area], and Icon- around the hat). I'm usually on Sunset, occasionally Icon, never Backlands. So anyway, I worked at Peevy's the entire day, a boring stand right next to Echo Lake with standing water that smells like a gerbil cage and cheetos fused. Sooo gross. I started missing the pretzel kitchen, which is borderline absurd. I was so happy when Densy came to close me. Oh, Densy, you crazy man, you. The first thing he did when he got to my stand wasn't to be an efficient closer, no. He came up behind me and undid my apron strings. Needless to say, I got him back by hurling a scoopful of ice at him when we got backstage. Closing Peevy's was fun-- not working there.

I did get to talk to a little boy that morning, though, who was waiting in line for Jedi Training Academy (my favorite show on the park; little kids get to fight Darth Vader). He asked me how old you had to be to be on 'this ride' and I knelt down and was like 'Well, how old are ya, buddy?' and he told me four, so I was like 'Perfect! You're old enough to learn how to use a lightsaber and fight Darth Vader-- you know he's been causing ALL sorts of trouble around here in Hollywood. We need a hero!' and he told me how he has two lightsabers at home and fights with his dad and how one was broken... so I told him he was a Jedi already and fighting Vader would be a piece of cake! It's so much fun talking to the little kids... when I left, I got to say 'May the force be with you!'

Dorky moments are the sweetest to me.

Speaking of Star Wars, the cool Darth Maul was out the other day. When it gets busy, they bring out him and Vader together to fight the kids. Three guys rotate playing Maul, two white guys and a black guy. The black guy is, by far, my favorite. He's a-MAY-zing! Whenever he's backstage, he's scowling and skulking around and looking particularly Maul-ish. While I was on break, I just had to ask him as he was walking by: Are you ALWAYS mad? Because you look really angry. He laughed at me and told me that no, he was just in character. Then he came over to talk after a bit and I told him he was really scary (in a good, convincing way) and he was like 'I've made kids cry before and run back into the crowd. It's great. I love being paid for it.' Ha ha ha, how awful! He was kind of cute, to be honest, but under all that paint, YOU NEVER KNOW!

The face only a mother could love. He's sort of hideous, right? Dental hygiene at it's worst. Anyway, I figure if I ever had the gumption to ask him out - which I won't, because I don't even KNOW him - that I would demand he wear his costume out on the town. Who wants to date a human? Not me!

That's a lie. I would happily date this one human if I wasn't such a wuss about liking said human. Oh well, I'll settle for being an awkward friend.

I should start getting ready for Wal-Mart. I have no milk and no milk = no coffee, therefore leading to dead mornings and angry Mikys. Darth Miky.